What Do Sex Dreams Mean?

Why We Have Sex Dreams

According to the “continuity hypothesis” in psychology, the meaning of dreams, including sex dreams, relates to your waking life. Trusted Source Medicine View Source At times, that may mean your sex dreams simply symbolize your sexual fantasies or a desire to have sex. But it’s not always that simple. 

A sex dream can also represent a non-sexual desire or a need that isn’t being met. Trusted Source SAGE Publishing SAGE produces high quality educational resources that support instructors to prepare the citizens, policy makers, educators and researchers of the future. View Source Romantic relationships often satisfy several human needs, like the need for safety, social interaction, and self-esteem. For this reason, romantic and sexual dream content can act as a sign that you have unmet needs in one of these areas.

In some cases, a sex dream might simply be the result of your sleeping position. Sleeping on your stomach Trusted Source American Psychological Association (APA) PsycNet The APA is a scientific and professional organization that represents psychologists in the United States. The APA maintains a searchable database of scholarly content at APA PsycNet. View Source makes a sex dream more likely, perhaps because of the pressure it puts on your genitals.

“Sex dreams may also be opportunities for subconscious processing of sexuality and gender identity. This may or may not correlate with waking desire.”

Brandon R. Peters, MD, FAASM

Sleep Physician, Sleep Psychiatry Expert

Are Sex Dreams Normal?

Sex dreams are completely normal, with one study finding that more than 99% of participants had experienced one Trusted Source Sleep Research View Source . Another study found that sexuality is the second most common theme that appears in dreams. Sexual dreams can involve actual intercourse or simply feel sexual in nature Trusted Source National Library of Medicine, Biotech Information The National Center for Biotechnology Information advances science and health by providing access to biomedical and genomic information. View Source . For example, a person may have a sex dream that involves fantasizing about sex, flirting sexually, or kissing someone.

Possible Meanings for Common Sex Dreams

Sex dreams can depict waking life fantasies, send messages about particular relationships, or act as metaphors for other aspects of life. Here are some of the most common types of sex dreams and what they might mean.

Sex With an Ex

If you’ve been dreaming about sex with an ex, don’t feel guilty. Dreams about exes are relatively common themes, and 25% of our survey respondents report having had one. Sex-with-an-ex dreams are also likely to feel intense and memorable. 

In some cases, a sex dream about an ex may mean you miss them or want to get back together, but not always. Thinking about how your relationship with that ex made you feel may provide insight into what the dream means. If it was a traumatic relationship, perhaps the dream suggests you currently need to heal or feel more safe. If the ex understood you well or made you feel like you belong, the dream could suggest you don’t feel that way now.

Sex With Your Partner

In our survey, about one-third of respondents reported having had dreams about their current romantic partner. If your dreams of sex with your partner are less exciting than dreams about your ex, that doesn’t necessarily mean you find them boring or prefer your ex. They could simply reflect that you spend a lot of time in daily life with your partner, so their presence in your dreams symbolizes regular, day-to-day activity rather than something out of the ordinary.

Sex That’s Cheating

Just over 10% of our survey respondents have dreamed about cheating. Cheating dreams don’t mean that you actually want to cheat, and they certainly don’t count as cheating (although, if you actually are cheating, that’s a different story). Sometimes these dreams arise because you have been cheated on in the past, or you are experiencing jealousy in your relationship. You may also dream of cheating because you feel distant from your partner and long for increased intimacy.

Sex With a Stranger

People tend to have sex dreams about current partners and exes most often, but sometimes they also dream about people they’ve never met. Among our survey respondents, nearly 30% had dreamed of sex with a stranger.

Often, a dream about having sex with a stranger simply means that you want to have sex. Experts have also wondered if dreaming about a stranger could symbolize wanting to find someone new to begin a relationship with, but more research is needed to know for sure.

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Sex With a Friend

Close to 20% of our survey takers have dreamed of having sex with a friend. Sometimes a sex dream about a friend suggests you’re attracted to them. But, you might find yourself dreaming about sex with a friend even when you have no sexual interest in them. In that case, the dream could indicate you feel close to the friend, or you wish you felt closer to them. If the friend is someone you think of as off-limits, the dream could also indicate a desire to take a risk or do something forbidden.

Sex With a Boss

Dreaming of sex with your boss or someone else who is off-limits in real life, like a teacher or another authority figure, can also indicate a temptation for the forbidden. These dreams may be less common — only 2% of our survey respondents reported having dreamt of sex with a boss.

Dreams about a boss or another authority don’t necessarily mean you actually want to have sex with the person you dreamed about. Instead, they likely symbolize something else that you want. For example, maybe you want to feel closer to the person, get ahead at work or school, or to have more excitement in your life. 

Sex With a Family Member

Contemporary dream researchers haven’t deeply studied what incest dreams may mean or how common they are. If a person has experienced incest in waking life, dreams about sex with a family member could be a way of processing that potentially traumatic event. 

Many people in online forums who haven’t experienced incest in waking life report having incestuous dreams, and they’re often worried about the dreams’ meaning. Keep in mind that a dream’s contents don’t always directly reflect your desires. Instead, a dream about sex with a family member could be a metaphor for a feeling of closeness with that person or a feeling of violation, depending on whether the dream felt positive or negative.

Sex With a Celebrity

About 12% of people who took our survey have dreamed about having sex with a celebrity. Dreaming about sex with a celebrity may simply mean you have a crush on them or enjoy fantasizing about them. Since celebrities hold such high status in our society, these types of dreams can also symbolize that you desire to feel special, important, or noticed.

Sex With “Taboo” Elements

Researchers haven’t widely studied sex dreams that involve taboo elements, such as being tied up or having oral sex. In some cases, they may represent fantasies or a desire to participate in edgier sex, such as that involving bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). In other cases, these dreams may be metaphors for unrelated aspects of life or the result of the dynamics you had with a parent when you were a child Trusted Source Medicine View Source .

Sex With Multiple People

Sex with multiple people is another dream theme that experts haven’t researched. However, people interested in dream interpretation have many ideas about what these dreams could mean. If the dream feels positive and exciting, you may want more pleasure in your life. If the dream feels negative, you may feel overwhelmed by too many options. Not everyone who has this dream actually wants to have group sex, but for some people, it might mean just that.

Sex in Public

Research has found that men are more likely than women to dream of having sex in a public place . While experts suggest these differences across gender represent differences in attitudes about sex, they don’t provide more specific detail than that. An amateur dream analyst, however, may suggest that this dream can represent a desire to take risks and let go of inhibitions, or a fear of getting caught or in trouble, depending on how the dream feels.

Masturbating

About 6% of sex dreams have been found to involve masturbation . Researchers aren’t entirely sure why. In some cases, it’s likely that if a person masturbates in waking life, that activity makes its way into dream life, too. 

Although contemporary dream experts don’t speculate on its metaphorical significance, Freud suggested masturbation dreams represent childhood fantasies or pleasure experienced in childhood . He also suggested that when women dream of masturbating, it could signify impotence in her male partner. However, many people would consider these interpretations outdated.

How to Stop Having Sex Dreams

Although sex dreams are common and normal, you might find you want to stop having them, especially if they’re recurring dreams. Identifying what your sex dreams symbolize and trying to fulfill your unmet needs in waking life may help the dreams go away. Avoiding sleeping on your stomach may also help.

In some cases, sex dreams can be linked to past trauma or current mental illness and may impact your sleep. For example, research has found that frequent sex dreams are more likely among people who were abused as children. Nightmares are also more common among people who have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which may occur after sexual assault.

 If your sex dreams occur excessively, involve assault or aggression, or cause you distress, consider seeing a mental health professional or doctor. There are multiple treatments available to help with nightmares and recovering from trauma, including dream rehearsal therapy and medications.

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